Life has been crazy this past week and definitely an emotional one to say the least. Louie and I parted ways and said goodbye but I'm starting to realize this is for the better at least for now. I've found so much peace being at my sister’s house and I feel a lot calmer now. Yes of course it hurts but we we're at totally different spots in life. He will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart though because he gave the most wonderful gift a woman could ever ask for. He gave me the most beautiful, perfect little girl I could ever ask for.
So thanksgiving is creeping up and I can’t lie I’m DREADING the day. I'm dreading that Tenley won’t be here to experience it. I know she will be with me in spirit though and help me get through that day. I've been trying to realize that she will be here in spirit but I just want her HERE with me in my arms. I want so badly to rock her to sleep, sing a lullaby, change a dirty diaper and watch her coo, laugh and smile. It kills me inside knowing I will never get to do those things with her. The thing that hurts the most though is I will never see those eyes and see what color they we're.
On a happier note I finally found things to decorate her grave for thanksgiving. Can I tell you how hard it is to find a simple sign that says Happy Thanksgiving? I went to at least 5 different stores before I found anything. It makes me happy visiting her and decorating for holidays. I've been finding that I'm not feeling guilty if I don’t make it every day. I used to have to see her EVERYDAY or else I would feel so guilty and think that she thought I wasn’t thinking about her. She does know I think about her though. My whole day is consumed in thoughts of that sweet angel. I just love her so much.
Well Happy holiday's everyone...Hope they are filled with happiness and joy xoxo Hanah Rai
