Due Date

Tenley's due date is sneaking up on us quite fast. I cant believe I would be thirty nine weeks pregnant as of yesterday. I sit and imagine what my belly would look like or what it would be like if she was here. Not a hour goes by without her sweet face popping into my mind. I felt like everyday was getting a little easier until this past week. It's hitting my heart like a ton of bricks I cant help but sit up every night and just wish she was laying in my arms.
Our families will be participating in the walk to remember on her due date (October 15, 2011). We will walk the steps that she never got to take in this life. At the same time that day is going to be extremely emotional and hard for us. One thing I'm looking forward to is her headstone being put in this week. They said it will be in by Friday, I hope they keep the promise I hate going to the grave site and not seeing it there.
I got a text last week from my best friend of 16 years(Heather Howard Garcia) in the text there was this picture. 

 I knew she was there visiting my sweet baby girl. It made me cry knowing someone else cares about her so much and loves her. I called her for a brief minute and it broke my heart to hear her voice. She was asking me how I do it and told me she was so sorry. She was crying so of course I started tearing up and I just had to remind her it was for the better and that she isn't hurting. I love knowing I have friends and family going to visit her when I cant. I hate the days I don't make it out to see her and chat with her. I know she can listen to me from anywhere I just feel the closet to her at the cemetery.
I found this poem and I absolutely love it so I had to share it with you guys. I'll be back soon to update on our family. Love you guys xoxo

Dearest Mommy

When you wonder the meaning of life and love
Know that I am with you
Close your eyes and feel me kissing you
In the gentle breeze across your cheek
When you begin to doubt that you shall ever see me again
Quiet your mind and hear me
I am in the whisper of the heavens
Speaking of your love

When you lose your identity
When you question who you are
Where you are going
Open your heart and see me
I am the twinkle in the stars
Smiling down upon you
Lighting the path for your journey
When you awaken each morning
Not remembering your dreams
But feeling content and serene
Know that I was with you
Filling your night with thoughts of me

When you linger in the remnant pain
Wholeness seeming so unfamiliar
Think of me and know that I am with you
Touching you through the shared tears of a gentle friend
Easing the pain

As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky
In that breathtaking glory, awaken your spirit
Think of our time together, all too brief, but ever brilliant
When you were certain of your destiny

Know that God created that moment in time, just for us.

Dearest Mommy, I am with you always

By Joanne Cacciatore (c) 1997 from the book "Dear Cheyenne"
This may be reprinted only with the permission of MISS
In memory of Cheyenne

My Mom is a Survivor

My Mom is a survivor,
Or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying
When all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night
And go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
To help her understand.
But like the sands upon the beach
That never wash away...
I watch over my surviving Mom,
Who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
A smile of disguise.
But through heaven's open door
I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My Mom tries to cope with my death
To keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her
Knows it's her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving Mom
Through heaven's open door...
I try to tell her
Angels protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her...
Or ease the burden she bares.
So if you get a chance,talk to her...
And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
No matter what she feels.
My surviving Mom has a broken heart
That time won't ever heal.

~Kay Des'Ormeaux~