Missing you

Some days I just want to scream at the top of my lungs at god. I want to ask so many questions like why he takes babies too soon sometimes. I know one day I will know these answers but I sometimes I want answers NOW. There are days where I sit around and just cry because it seems like it's the only thing that will help, but in reality nothing will ever help this pain. The days I get so mad at god I also realize he wouldn’t do this unless he knew I was strong enough to make it through this obstacle in life. I've been feeling so guilty lately because I'm so busy with work that I never get time to go and see her, but I know she knows I think about her all day every day. Her due date was probably one of the hardest days of my life and now the holiday's are creeping up on us and it hurts so bad. It hurts knowing she'll never know how much fun the holiday's are. She'll never get to dress up like her favorite character or princess on Halloween. She'll never get to get together with all the family on thanksgiving and play with all her cousins. It hurts knowing she'll never wake up on Christmas day and run to see what Santa brought her. The thing hitting me the most though is knowing that her siblings will never get to meet her and know how amazing she was. So my new goal is to write a story book so when I have babies I can read them the story about their big sister. I want them to always know who she was and how important she will always be to our family. I want when people ask them how many siblings they have to include her. Though she has passed on I will never let her memory die. I love and miss her so much and wish everyday that I could just have one more day with her.

xoxo
Hanah