What I would do with one more day with you….

What would I do with one more day with you? What would I tell you? If I had one more day with you I would give you an unimaginable amount of kisses, I would kiss those sweet toes, those perfect lips and that cute little button nose. I would do things I knew I would never get the chance to. I would bathe you and put a pretty bow in that beautiful long dark hair. I would dress you in the most perfect outfit. I would tickle those little feet and paint those cute little toes nails and finger nails. I would study ever little part of your perfect body so I could always remember. I would hold you and sing you a lullaby while you fell asleep. I would rock you in my arms till they felt like they we’re going to fall off then rock you more. I would take a nap next to you just so I could wake up to you at least once. I would take you on a walk outside so you could see trees, birds, the sky and grass. I would show you off to all my friends and family. I would laugh, cry and talk to you so you always remembered mommy’s voice. I would watch a movie with you and a children’s show. I would read a book to you. I would play peek-a-boo with you. I would tell you all about mommy and daddy. I would tell you how we met and how we fell in love. I would tell you how much I love you and how much I will miss you. I would ask you to come visit me and watch over me. I would tell you all about your grandma’s, grandpas, and all your aunts and uncle, and your cousins. I would tell you how beautiful you are and how you are so perfect. I would tell you about when you we’re in my belly and how it felt. I would tell you all the funny things you would do in mommy’s belly. I would tell you a love story about a prince and princess. I would tell you not to go and not to leave me. I would tell you my heart was going to break when you left me. I would tell you to tell god to take good care of you until your mommy got there. At the end of my time with you I would tell you I love you and it’s okay to go now. I would tell you I will miss you and always remember you. I would tell you that you’ll always be my first baby and my first daughter. I would tell you that you’ll always mean the world to me. I would tell you that you forever changed me. I would thank you for blessing my life and allowing me to be the mommy of the most beautiful and precious baby girl. I love you baby girl forever and for always. Love, Mommy

Valentines in heaven

I wonder what Valentines day is like in heaven. Do you think all the little kids make valentines boxes like they do here and deliver valentines to their friends? Do you think they have a favorite boy/girl to give their valentine to? The thought of heaven amazes me lately I always wonder what it is like on holiday's and on regular days. I wonder what Little miss Tenley is up to, if she is running around with her friends or if she is with family. I went to visit my sweet valentine yesterday with my sister and niece. We took her some flowers and a card (ella gave her a valentine that she gave to her classmates)! Ella loves her little cousin even though she isn't here. She draws her pictures for her grave all the time, and looks at pictures with me. Sometimes I wonder what she is thinking about it too, I wonder if she grasps that she really is gone. We we're so close when I was pregnant and she would feel her move everyday. I love being able to see my sweet Ella everyday though it's nice to have a young child around. Well here are some pictures of yesterday.

Last days of being pregnant....

Can I tell you how much I miss being pregnant? If I could I would seriously be pregnant every day of my life. I can’t express how amazing it was to feel those hiccups, summersaults, kicks, punches and rolls. I remember those last few days with my daughter like it was yesterday. Tenley HATED those monitors she would kick them and move from them as much as she could. Most of the time when we lost her heartbeat they would have to bring an ultrasound machine in the room to find it again. She would put her back to the monitor so we couldn’t hear. She had such a little attitude but oh boy I loved her attitude, I miss her attitude. Looking back at pictures I was in such awe listening to her I had a constant smile on my face. The only time I didn’t have a smile is when we would loose her heartbeat or when the doctors would come in and talk to us. I didn’t want to have to think about how my child would be disabled, how she would have multiple surgery's throughout her life, how her bum would never be "normal"! I remember thinking why are you telling me this stuff? I don’t care what her bum is going to look like, I don’t care if she is going to have special needs, She is my daughter and I will always love her and do whatever I had to do for you. I hated knowing my sweet baby would be in pain and have to have surgery after surgery to get rid of that nasty tumor. This is a look back on the best days I ever had with Tenley Grace.